When they take out an appendix, it’s an appendectomy; when they remove your tonsils, it’s a tonsillectomy. What is it when they remove a growth from your head?

A haircut.

What do you have if your head is hot, your feet are cold, and you see spots in front of your eyes?

You probably have a polka-dotted sock over your head.

What did the nervous kid say when the doctor asked if he had been getting enough iron?

Yes, I chew my nails every day.

What’s the difference between a person with a terrible toothache and a rainy day?

One is roaring with pain; the other is pouring with rain.

What did the doctor say to the patient when he finished removing his appendix?

That’s enough out of you.

What did the ill woman say when the doctor asked if she smoked cigarettes?

Of cough (course).

What do you get if you add 13 hospital patients and 13 hospital patients?

Twenty sicks (26.)